FSM confronting Nimrod and Ham for the Tower of Scrapple

The Tower of Scrapple was a momentous structure built by Ham, the founder of the Hamite Empire. The tower was considered an immense object of blasphemy against the FSM and has its own section in The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

The Hamite Empire

The Hamite Empire in the GFSM

Hamite is a historical term for the peoples supposedly descended from Noah's son Ham, paralleling Semitic and Japhetic. It was used to label non-Semitic languages in the Afroasiatic language family, which was thus formerly labelled "Hamito-Semitic". The Hamitic languages were said to include the Berber, Cushitic and Egyptian branches. However,

Map of the Hamite Empire

since, unlike Semitic, these branches have not been shown to form an exclusive (monophyletic) phylogenetic unit of their own, separate from other Afroasiatic languages, the term is obsolete in this sense. Each of these branches is instead now regarded as an independent sub-group of the larger Afroasiatic family. During the Middle Ages, Ham was considered by Jews, Christians, and Muslims to be the ancestor of all Africans. Friedrich Müller named the traditional Hamito-Semitic family in 1876 in his Grundriss der Sprachwissenschaft, and defined it as consisting of a Semitic group plus a "Hamitic" group containing Egyptian, Berber, and Cushitic; he excluded the Chadic group. It was the Egyptologist Karl Richard Lepsius (1810–1884) who restricted Hamitic to the non-Semitic languages in Africa, which are characterized by a grammatical gender system. This "Hamitic language group" was proposed to unite various, mainly North-African, languages, including the Ancient Egyptian language, the Berber languages, the Cushitic languages, the Beja language, and the Chadic languages.

Construction of the Tower

"A fool is born every minute."
Ham and Nimrod [src]

Lord Ham

Scrapple is a savory mush in which cornmeal and flour, often buckwheat flour, are simmered with pork scraps and trimmings, then formed into a loaf. Small scraps of meat left over from butchering, too small to be used or sold elsewhere, were made into scrapple to avoid waste, a Hamite tradition.

Scrapple is typically made of hog offal, such as the head, eyes, heart, liver, bladder, and other scraps, which are boiled with any bones attached (often the entire head), to make a broth. Once cooked, bones and fat are discarded, the meat is reserved, and (dry) cornmeal is boiled in the broth to make a mush. The meat, finely minced, is returned, and seasonings, typically sage, thyme, savory, and others, are added. The mush is cast into loaves, and allowed to cool thoroughly until gelled. The proportions and seasoning are very much a matter of the region and the cook's taste.

Commercial scrapple often contains these traditional ingredients, with a distinctive flavor to each brand, though homemade recipes often specify more genteel cuts of pork, with a consequently blander taste. A few manufacturers have introduced beef and turkey varieties.

Scrapple is typically cut into thin (quarter-inch-thick) slices, pan-fried in butter or oil until the outsides form a crust, and served at breakfast, as an accompaniment to eggs. It is eaten plain or with ketchup, maple syrup, dark corn syrup, or apple butter.

Ham, who was a bi of a troublemaker and always looking to squeeze out a few extra sheckels, determined to develop a foodstuff that could be


The Tower of Scrapple

produced from the leftover pig snouts and sawdust that did normally just get thrown in the garbage at the diner. He group up all his waste and called it “scrapple.” And he enlisted the help of Nimrod to help market the scrapple. Needless to say, it wasn’t a fast seller, and scrapple did pile up out behind the diner, sitting under the sun until it formed a sort of wretched tower. It was at this time that they realized they couldn’t sell it as food, so Nimrod suggested they call it the Tower of Scrapple as charge a fancy sum for passerby to come and behold it’s wonder. Shortly after, the FSM noticed a bad smell engulfing much of the created world? Since the tower of scrapple wasn’t the tourist draw Nimrod and Ham hoped for, they bowed before the FSM’s wishes, however, they inhaled to many rancid fumes in the process and were rendered babbling idiots.

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