"Our Noodly Creator then place fossils, hidden under the earth’s surface, knowing that they would later be found-thus, seemingly proving that these creatures existed some time ago. Dinosaur bones, for example, were placed so well and in such numbers that it’s widely believed dinosaurs roamed the earth millions of years ago. Interestingly, dinosaurs did exist, but not millions of years ago, because, of course, how could they have existed before the earth was even here? In reality they lived with us, alongside-and occasionally on top of-humans around three thousand years ago."
Bobby Henderson [src]
Thousands of years ago, long after the first people, there were dinosaurs. Dinosaurs were one of several kinds of prehistoric reptiles that lived during the Mesozoic Era, the "Age of Reptiles," which was three
thousand years ago (probaly ten years before Mosey's birth). Dinosaurs were reptiles and most hatched from eggs. No dinosaurs could fly and none lived in the water, exept for Sea Serpents and Dragons, but let's not include them.
Dinosaur Uses: Hauling Rocks to Build the Pyramids of Egypt[edit | edit source]
Since dinosaurs didn't have bones, according to The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, the couldn't be
used to make toos. However, they were used as vehicles, pulling carts, or even large blocks of stone used to make the pyramids. Scientists have always wondered how the Ancient Egyptians built the Pyramids. They gone from
people tugging multi-ton, elephant sized rocks, to giantic kites, which could carry the rocks, or even a crane. Since Ancient Egyptians obviously didn't have cranes, nor the strength to pull multi-ton rocks, it obvious that they used some thing that could act as all those things, a dinosaur, equipped with strength and a long neck, perfect for hauling giant boulders and rocks. The pyramids were made hundreds of years before Mosey was born, although the clear date is unknown, they could have still used dinosaurs during Mosey's time.
Velociraptor Lord[edit | edit source]
Some Christians also believe that dinosaurs lived at the same time as people, and also believe that their prophet, Jesus Christ, rode on dinosaur called Raptor Jesus, or Raptor Lord. Pastafarians, however, think that this man-eating dinosaur might be the real Jesus, or at least the inspiration for the prophet, since no such name is
mentioned in The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
Overview[edit | edit source]
Raptor Lord roamed the Earth circa 3000BFSM. He was born when FSM Himself was still only a teenager (okay, probaly not). His execution is thought to be the cause of the extinction of the dinosaurs, as FSM was mad at the Romans for aiding in the dinosaur's death twice. He earned a bachelor's degree in microelectronic engineering at RIT. Raptor Lord went on to earn his PhD in aerospace engineering at Texas A&M University. Later, Raptor Lord got bored, so he went on to receive his CPA certification in the state of New Jersey. His academic career was constantly challenged by his ladysmanship. And hopes to eventually retire in El Paso,Texas
History[edit | edit source]
During the Mesozoic era, God went through an experimental Scales phase, similar to Picasso's Blue period.
Rather than making beings in his own image, he populated the Earth with giant lumbering reptiles. Other scriptures such as the Dead Primordial Sea scrolls suggest that God was actually a dinosaur during his teens, and was the true inspiration for Godzilla.
While known to themselves as "Giant Awesomes", dinosaurs kept no written records, so scientists did not learn their real name until modern technology made it possible to read their fossilized minds. At first, the dinosaurs rampaged at will, eating each other, stepping on houses, and generally causing major property damage.Raptor Lord's primary role on Earth was to convert the dinosaurs from the paganistic theory of Evolution by fostering a new belief in Intelligent Design. Opponents of his theory, primarily the Romans, viciously attacked Him and His followers, condemning them to extinction via PBS.
The Miracles of Raptor Lord[edit | edit source]
FSM had originally intended Raptor Lord to simply preach to his fellow dinosaurs, however his early doctrine consisted mostly of low production value skits and rewrites of Metallica songs. In order to impress the dinosaur brethren in higher numbers, God's Secretary of Divine Intervention, Triceratops Goldbaum granted Raptor Lord the ability to perform miracles with a temporary license, based on his fantastically low credit score and W-2. The following year, Raptor Lord overnight built an entire town of self sustaining low income subsidized housing for his followers.